My Sweet Sadie

 

She crossed over the rainbow bridge yesterday after I spend many hours with her while she was seizing trying to comfort her. She was in kidney failure for the second time but this time we knew she wasn’t coming out of it. We did have a few more good days with her. 

She had 5 seizures before I could get her to a vet. I was suffering from lack of money and it being too close to payday. And snow on the road. It was so hard to watch and there was nothing I could do. She whined so much afterwards. I think I am suffering from PTSD. All I could do was rub on her and tell her I love her and it was okay. That Max and Abby is waiting for her at the rainbow bridge. Told her to go find them. Max is her daddy. He is going to love having her back. Abby is her step mom. So they are together again. But my heart will never be the same. What a wonderful dog we had. She went every where with us. She doesn’t know how to be without us. 

The vet from Sparta was the one that help use put her down.  Thank God they were open. 

More to this

Today’s Music

 https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=eatNbYfypXs&si=v-rqL1Sbf21i2qlP

The link above is to a song called “More to This”.  It really moves me to hear it as I can relate to what this man in singing about.  I know one day he will go. But then again, I could go first. Only God know the time.

Because He Lives

 

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Praise God

 

God is my protector and comforter for this I am grateful. Jesus is my Devine brother. He is my example. I am blessed by having him in my life To show me the way.

Happy Birthday Ken

 

Happy Birthday to you my love. We have been together now for 24 years and I have not regretted one minute of it. You have been the biggest blessing to me. Thank you for that. I love you dearly and always will. This weekend your children are coming to see you and I hope it is the best time ever for you and them. 

God’s Plan is Love

 

God’s Plan for me is to love my brothers and sisters. It is hard for me to do sometimes especially when I am in fear of not getting my needs met. I am wearing my feelings on my sleeve.  With Ken’s health going down hill, it has made things to where I am very humble. I will have an array of emotion raining down on me and I have to call out to God and Jesus to help me. I am trying to step aside my needs for Ken and his Kids needs. God has me and Ken. I know this. I can love them just the way they are. It is okay. Nothing ever stays the same. 

Mistakes

The man who makes no mistake does not usually make anything.

One thing about it. I make plenty of mistakes without God in my life. He will make things right according for his plan for me. But I must be willing to follow his plan and not mine. Sometimes I don’t know what his will is for me and I often to have to wait for it to be revealed to me. This is what is going on with me today. I am trying to do the right thing but it is hard for me to do if my emotions are out of whack. I must center myself in his love. I am learning. 

I am grateful that I have a church today that I can come too with my spiritual troubles. I joined it today and I am looking forward to getting involved. 

God is My Spirit

 

Okay, Today I talked with my Sister and I am hoping to plan a road trip to see her next weekend while Ken’s kids are here. 

I will be looking to God and Hospice to help me process this and to be able to act with love instead of with hurt feelings.  The neighbor will also look in on him.

Yesterday Ken and I had a great day. He was up moving around a lot more and said that his knees are feeling some better. He used his walker to visit our neighbors next door. This is the first time he has done this since coming out of the hospital in January. I just don’t want him to over do it. He is wanting to drive some too. His sats have been running good while he is on oxygen.

From “The Wife of Ken Revalee”

I am learning that you must be blood to be in the Family. That no amount of time will cure that. So, soon I will be a widow and nothing but indifference will be met with by these people. They can’t open their heart to anyone but themselves. Ken wanted me to have a close relationship with them, especially after his death but they don’t want anything to do with me. It is on them, not me.  I tired of being treated with no empathy or concern from them. 24 years of marriage and all I get from them is your just my father’s wife and nothing more. I think they like to hurt people because it makes them feel good about themselves. 

So I will LET THEM GO AND LET ME LIVE ON WITHOUT THEM.  I have a church and a few friends that will help me through this ordeal. It is very sad because I was so hoping his family would be supportive of me. And we could deal with Ken’s death together. It is okay though.. Let them be what they need to be. Right now, they are processing a lot of pain and I will probably be a sounding board to them in which I am too sensitive. I am also grieving the loss of Ken’s health and soon to be all of him. I will always be here for him no matter what. Right now, I am his care taker and wife. Not just his wife. 

I was hoping that I could remain in Ken’s family to them but I don’t think they want me in their life’s. So be it.

With God All Things are Possible

This is a 5.5 by 8.5 watercolor painting on card-stock multi media paper. My inspiration this is for the still recovering nicotine addict celebration of time. When we meet milestones, it is very nice to receive support from others in the program. I would be glad to send this to someone. Contact me at carolwrevalee@gmail.com for details with the subject line “With God All Things are Possible”

Card given to Hospice Nurse on intake. 

May 9 “Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees.” VICTOR HUGO 

When we were very young, eight or nine years old, someone in our family became very ill. “Pray for her,” we were told, and we did so, fiercely and repeatedly, for weeks. When she died we felt guilty because obviously we hadn’t prayed hard enough, or long enough, or properly. Our attitudes about prayer have changed a lot since then. When we pray these days it is with the conviction that in many areas of life we are powerless, while God has all power. We pray not so much for specific answers or outcomes, but with faith that Divine good will prevail. As children we begged God to prolong the life of a loved one or to fulfill one or another of our deep desires. Today we pray not for personal fulfillment or gain, but to strengthen our partnership with God. If we have a specific objective, it is that His will be done. The purpose of prayer is not to burden us, but to relievers us of our burdens. We pray in the spirit of letting go and letting God, and as a result we are finding freedom and inner peace. 

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

 Thy will be done. 

Taken from Above and Beyond.